Broken Note 4

我依然还是个缺乏安全感的孩子，是应为他的缘故吗？我已经放下了吧？我不再生他的气了，但他依然使我很不愉快。

Broken Note 3

想说的话有很多，想明白的事也有很多，想学的事更多！

人与人之间真的很奇妙，感情也是，友谊也是如此～ 
人在做任何的选择都会犹豫不决，就算答案很明确，但还是下不了决定。

但我觉得啊，

最重要的还是不要让自己有遗憾，不要错过会让自己后悔的事，
不要带着遗憾过着每一天，不要让自己活得不快乐。
人要活在当下！要为了你自己而努力奋斗每一秒！
勇敢地往前冲！想做的事毫无犹豫的把它做到最好！

人往往都把很多事复杂化，其实过的每一天都可以很简单～

不要猜疑人家在想什么！
不要太在意人家的眼光！
心事不要闷在心里面不说～
不要想得太多，不要顾虑太多～
过得充实，过得快乐，就是最有意义的一天了！

人总是不会对自己好，不会想到自己，才会过得那么辛苦！

还记得自己小时候的梦想吗？
记得自己曾经许下过的承诺吗？
记得自己答应过父母些什么吗？
还记得简单的每一天都能让你很满足吗？

不要给自己太多借口，不要让自己错过太多的机会，
人生就那么短短几十年，如果不把最快乐的事让个自己，
不让自己活在色彩的人生，那将会是你人生最大的失败！

Broken Note 2

June 1st, 2012
Friday, 1.05 p.m.

I realize I had been cried a lot. DAMN! I'm already old enough to be able to take care myself yet I had this urge that my tears would just burst out each time I heard my mom voice through the phone.

I can tell that friends are all a lies, even shadow leave you when you are in darkness and how do you expect an separate individual not leave you?
It's really funny how things started to turn out. It's ridiculous. I felt this over pressure when being with them. I am so out of that world.

I don't feel like I am being me anymore. I can see that is how one used the others and abandon them aside after the used. I feel lifeless, strength less, and tired over thinking and worried of these all shits. I should stop trying to fit in. Its useless, when the others does not admit you are one you are just have to stop trying to fit in for them.

It does not worth trying. I wonder why, but then again I give up trying already. If I am not fit in then I am not. Trying is hard than anything and to keep trying I just felt so suffocated in the throat and my heart felt heavy as something is gonna crush is soon if I were not to let go.

I have had enough, I should stop blaming myself for others. They don't even bother a damn bit about me and why I should crack myself to fit in for them? Nobody ask for that. I should stop being a fool. It's not nice to forcing myself to be in someone I don't even recognize.

It's too obvious. The face of disgust you showed I can tell it straight. Fool me? You think you can fool me with the dumb face you put on? I don't think so. I'll do what I promised but at the very least I will not back stab like you. That don't make you a better person than me nor that make you all high and mighty.

It's a shame. I am really exhausted thinking about "why" "how" these is getting madly as days passes by. If this is how friends are for I don't need one, and if you think I am talking about you? I am not probably, is just that you are quite similar to the person I describing. That person may not even exists in this world.

A person to be trust huh, I don't know about that anymore. Can I trust again? Actually I never know about that. I just never once break down the wall to anyone, every time I were to break it down there are sure someone who did some foolish to stop me from breaking it down.

I am stronger than you think, I careless than how you see. I guess I will not care anymore regards any matter in this that keep bothers me making me feel tired and bored. It's always the same old thing that happen again and again like a cycle.

Human are all the same! They bloody judge, fool around, play tricks, lies, and then smile like a dumb ass. All they did are same. They make you happy, believe in them and push you down to the deepest hell making you regret your own decisions. Make the fool out of you.

I am really irritate with those ugly and disgusted fake smile they all are wearing. I just miss my place, my home. I want to go back to where I feel comfort and safe. I am feeling so tired being around those fake people anymore.

All I can do is type and talk to myself, no one there can be trusted. I had no one to share. I felt left out yet not that upset but a little disappointed. I never had a life to miss, not the past, not present I wonder if I'll miss what will happen next.

If this is how you, then I am not a bit sad that another one is gone. If stabbing back is what you do instead clearing them off in front my face then that's it. WE ARE DONE!

Broken Note 1

31st May, 2012 - Wednesday "midnight 12.02 a.m." 

I doubted that maybe I had become too emotions over things, overreacted on things aren't meant that way, over thinking on things may not meant such a way. I can't stop thinking them, I can't get rid of this feeling telling me that they may meant such a way! 


I hate myself, I hate myself for having such thought! I don't like having it! I never once hate myself so much like now. I used to blame everything on others yet, I started to blame everything on myself. Why am I like this? I keep questioning my existence. I can't stop but question myself. I understand that such act are nothing but silly then again I just can't stop myself being that way. 


I told myself not to care. It is hardest to be done. Hardest than you think! When a knife pierce through your skin it is nothing you felt but the pain and the fear. That's what I am now. 


I've been suffocating for so long, and there is once where I successfully buried them inside me yet they are now again shown! I don't know who to share nor who to tell. There is no one for me. I don't know where I should go, I don't know what else I can do to save myself from such deadly situation. 


There are times, so many times than I wish my life could come to an end. I yelling inside me saying "end it already" I cried so much inside. I screamed! I held out. There are nothing but me, myself. I'm getting weakened as day passes. 


I wanted to vanish. I want to hide, run to my heart content scream my heart out! At least that is what I want to do to release the grudge I hold along! I sometimes really does blame myself so much that I wish...wish... that I could just end my life on the spot! Only if I'm left alone in this world I swear beneath this skin and bone this blood in veins I had long gone!


When there are someone asking me to hold on! I listen and acted. I miss that person who would do anything in regards to protect me! I miss him so much. Only if my life could exchange his! I would do it! I swear to HELL I would fking do it. He would at least provide the best for the person I dear and love the most. For the precious of mine I swear I would end mine and have him back. 


I am really suffocating here. No one understand! I bet only if everything is end, that way probably one or two of them may act in some fake tears asking the reason I had gone. I am sad and in the pain no one can truly understand just like I won't understand theirs. 


Human are very funny and foolish. Either you had words or not they can critics you either. They want you death, yet when you are they felt the guilt stirring. What's the most idiotic act is that I am one FOOLISH IDIOT myself. 


There, I felt a little better now. 

Broken Note

This Broken Notes is a book of my depressed life. That is why this is name as Broken Notes. 
Here is where a broken heart words will be carve in, how the broken souls cried out words that couldn't be heard, where a darkened shadows vanish in the darkness and leave you alone by yourself.

This notes is for no one but the the shattered me in reality as well in my nightmare.
That's how things are and always be.